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Iapos;m back to my healthy eating habits - noodle soup for lunch and japanese food for dinner. I�havenapos;t excercised for close to two months I�can feel my arms going flab, flab, flab.�nicole and peiyu signed up for Amore -�which has dance, yoga, pilates blablah �u can go as�and�when u like. I wish�I�could join too. But itapos;s�$88 per month.�whoapos;s gonna�sponsor for u, genius? anyway, I�donapos;t think Iapos;d have the time to�go, so Iapos;ll be wasting the monthapos;s fee.�also, weapos;ve been promising�each�other that weapos;ll hit the�campus gym one day, but�the gyming that we have done so far is�lifting up our fork and�spoons to�dig into out chicken cutlets whatnot.�

funny, but I�miss PE. Especially those PE sessions in Bartley which Iapos;ve always hated.

moving on.�my communication mid-term result is out�:) Iapos;m really�happy�with the achievement, although I�wouldapos;ve scored a high distinction�if I had completed the essay�section.�comms quiz held today was good too :) Iapos;m just disappointed about my music quizzes. Iapos;m getting B minuses while everyone else�I�know are easily scoring close to full marks.

school today was great�surprisingly. Iapos;m�really enjoying comms lessons.

after school, met up with felza and he treated me to dinner�for doing well for comms�:) ahhhh, motivation, motivation.��
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I fell right through the cracks, and now iapos;m trying to get back.

i dont know where my best friends have gone. One is off in another country, and has left me here. She barely said goodbye. I havent had a proper conversation with her in weeks, and i wont have a chance to until she gets back. I dont know what i did wrong, but all of a sudden she is giving me the cold shoulder. Iapos;m lost in clouds and i dont know how to get out. I need my best friend to lead me the way. The other friend, found someone new. She tells me that i dont need to worry about it, that i wont be forgotten, and im still one of her best friends. But with me only seeing her every couple of months, and whenever we talk its over something, and turns into an arguement. Where did good friends go?

my group is all broken up. Something is out of whack. One friend i can never find, the other is the wallflower, and doesnt really talk to me much, the other is there every so often. I just want us all together again.

my life is so screwed up right now, i find myself alone at school, all my friends are gone off somewhere else.
can someone help me please. Before i spin out of control.
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I donapos;t know if I am naive, or if Iapos;m practicing double-standards, but I think there are just some things that people do that are way out of line. Why some people would do/ say�the things�they do�to people (and about people), I cannot comprehend. I do not wish to elaborate at the moment for I have no words to explain myself. Anyways lately Iapos;ve been behaving a bit out of line too- but I asssure you,�never to the point to having to be mean. Its�just not necessary nor nice.�This principle I live by is the only thing that comforts me when I feel�victimised. I never�ever retaliate, cos its just stooping to their level and perpetuating the vicious cycle.�

However, Iapos;m�super-ultra cranky, hypersensitive, sick�and�tired all the time. I havenapos;t gotten my period in a while, and Iapos;ve had an average of <3.5 hours of sleep every night the past week. It might be enough for you but certainly not for me. I cannot function without sleep. Iapos;ve acquired the art of sleeping whilst sitting up/ standing,�but not against knocking my head on�bus windows and�embassrasing myself. Sleep is�absolutely essential. I donapos;t understand why some people�have more licence�to be busy/sick/ tired than I do.�My ailments/ injuries are insignificant, unexcusable�and unforgivable. I�guess its related to how�some peopleapos;s�lives�are worth more than other people. My body is nothing.�Inevitable fact of life.�

Anyway,�I still have a huge one on language and cognition next�week, a presentation,�as well as a case-study report for health psych.�I havenapos;t started writing, researching�and/or�studying and I should be so worried. But I am weary > worried. Iapos;m doing the production program cos i cannot stifle my perfectionistic side to do it well, but cs3 is lagging and taking centuries to load, so Iapos;ll be glad to just get it done.

The tv is on and Iapos;m multi-tasking in-between waiting for it to load. Watched bits of My Girl- the thai version. Love it so much. The thais are very down-to-earth and true to themselves and it shows in their movies. The japanese are very poetic, poignant and often philosophical. French movies- at least those Iapos;ve watched- are romantic and cool at the same time. I know Iapos;m steoreo-typing but it often applies to the commercial stuff, at least to me it does. The americans are just usually very trashy and funny. apos;Whoapos;s line is it anywayapos; aired on tv. It was funny as hell. But I couldnapos;t really laugh tonight. ):


Today I felt slightly dissapointed�with�humanity.�

Iapos;m sooooo tired.� Donapos;t wanna wake up tomorrow.

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Work was extremely tiring yesterday. All of us were rather moodless. We hit the target $9k sales. Next week will be $10k. I was so tempted to ask someone to replace me yesterday. I just couldnt work at all. My mind, my heart.....is not there. Now that my life is in great mess.....i need to stand up on my own. Nobody will help me. No oneapos;s there anymore. Except friends. My lovely friends. When i fall, you wont catch me anymore.�

lixin gave me four words : realise, accept, forgive, forget.
Iapos;m on my own again, again again again.
things changed, i will also change. No more happy Eunice. She is dead.........






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Happy Burfday to me

Mah hunneybear bought me an iPod nano - now we have to get the linux server up as thatapos;s where a lot of our music is. Itapos;s fun to be able to carry around listening stuff, but weapos;ll have to see how that goes.

One of our grovemates has a cat with a fatal condition, and sheapos;s not taking it very well. The grove has pretty much all posted to our list love and support, so hopefully itapos;ll be less traumatic for her. Looks like weapos;ll be holding a ritual to help her thru that sometime next week.
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Today Iapos;m reminding myself of how much I love the Stones. I hate making broad, sweeping generalized statements, but I honestly feel like they were the most innovative of their cohort. And itapos;s amazing how they lodge themselves so firmly in the space between blues and rock apos;n roll: plunging recklessly into the future by elevating the styles of the past. Theirapos;s is(was?) not a hollow experimentalism. Lennon complained that the Stones always ripped off whatever new sounds they were working with. But the Stones always imbued such raw energy and enthusiasm to their experimentalism-- so it never came off as lifeless, and their music never ever alienated the "masses". They were not high-brow in any sense of the word, which is amazing considering their attention to freshness, to being different and unique, against the grain.

I think itapos;s interesting that the Stones were so heavily influenced by the "black bluesmen" tradition, at the same time that they were one of the most relevant precursors to American rap music. I mean, if you look at American music history, innovation has almost always started with the African-Americans. Jazz, blues (then rhythm and blues), rap. And the BEST rock apos;n roll and pop music also originated from African-American blues traditions (shoot, Elvis Presleyapos;s fame came from mixing "black" sounds with "white" sounds... And then thereapos;s Michael Jackson, the "king of pop").

But Iapos;m sorely disappointed by what I call the commercialization of rap music-- it has gone from being this entirely fresh, innovative, counter-culture to a hollow MTV phenomena for bored suburban boys who think it must be cool to be a "gangsta" and get lots of ass. This doesnapos;t negate the fact, though, that rap, like rock apos;n roll in the 1950s, emerged as something raw and new and different, something that was so decidedly against the mainstream of increasingly bland and superficial rock/pop music (this is another thing-- do all the old styles eventually become bland and over commercialized, so that new innovations can emerge)). Anyway, itapos;s funny that innovation in American music comes from an historically oppressed group. Maybe there is something to the saying that the best art comes out of oppression? There has been a lot of writing on African-American spirituals, which were basically "work songs" for the slaves, as the roots of modern American music.
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